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I am small.

Like five foot and 100 and some change pounds of fury.

I am a cheap date – I don’t eat a lot. Two drinks get me fuzzy. Kid’s clothes cost less than adult clothes. So why the suckiness?

I am not whine-bragging. Sure, being tiny has its perks – like the ones I mentioned above. But it also has it’s downfalls.

To start: I can’t reach anything. Kitchen tongs are my best friend when things fall next to the washing machine or I need something off the top shelf. I had to purchase a step stool for my condo in order to live my life. And I can never remember to turn the ceiling fans off when I get up on that bad boy.

Clothes are an issue. Yes, kids clothes are cheaper (take my NorthFace, for example. About half the price of an adult one, but the sleeves are too short so my wrists freeze.) but they also are cut up really high on the chest area. I am 26 and own some pretty impressive push-up bras. So I improvise and wear camisoles everyday so I am not totally hanging out all over the place…and so the bra stays in place.

Adult clothes, especially jackets and sweaters, tend to not be nipped in enough at the waist area; leaving me in a baggy extra small jacket that is cut for a Barbie doll. Tiny waist and big tits…this is not me! I am shaped like a young boy, and I get lost in boxy clothes. Did you know expensive brands have clothes for miniature humans? I did! Out of self-defense to try and look like I am actually my age, I wear Abercrombie and Banana Republic, who understand what mini-humans need.

Another issue I face is being IDed. I get this – I really do. I look 21 and bar tenders and liquor stores need to card me. Understood. But I have been carded for R-rated movies and lottery tickets. There comes a time to take it over the line, and sometimes it is just too far.

Also, being tiny comes with this irreproachable business of not being taken seriously. Insert a Napoleon complex and you have a recipe for a very small girl with a big vocabulary, an even bigger personality and a determination to prove that I am right.

So please, card me then prove me wrong. I am waiting.

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