last summer i found myself extremely lost. i didnt know what i wanted, where i should go, who i needed to be with…it was difficult, frustrating and honestly; upsetting. i made a grand gesture to essentially everyone involved by taking an entire month off – and not just from work, but from life.
taking a month off leaves much time for reflection. i spent august 2011 drinking bud light and jack daniels, laying on the beach in point pleasant, exercising and sleeping. i actually made it through my summer reading list and managed a fantastic tan. i made the decision that short hair just was not for me. i didnt wear makeup or black pants with a cardigan. i dyed half of my hair pink and i only brushed it once a week. dad planned a vacation to florida, allowing me a change in scenery to lay around and do nothing.
needless to say, it was exactly the relaxation i needed from feeling burned out. i didnt know that something like this existed in the real world; but i had a fantastic boss at the time with a daughter around my age, and she knew exactly what i needed – and i thank her immensely for that. i am not sure if she will ever know how much this month helped me, or how much she guided me and how this allowance of time off made me realize that there is more to life then a cubicle.
i would like to say that is the end of my 2011 learning curve, but its not. 2011 was actually a horrible year for various personal reasons (starting very early in the year) and also for some people around me and who were very close to me. one thing i did realize in this next 6 months was how to grow up. i learned to accept new people and open myself up to new challenges. keep my mind open and free and how to take a deep breath and say to myself, “its not worth it.”
i had to snap out of that year and make myself a complete person. i was able to make a few adjustments and learn to smile a real smile again. i got my head in order and took a chance that i wasnt quite ready to take – and he helped me.
maybe growing up will never be something that i will fully complete, but i think thats okay. i am not sure that i really want to accept that a learning curve will ever end. i will always ask a million questions about things. i will go on road trips up the california coast and attend black tie affairs. i will continue to keep my mind open and let him see the craziness that lives in my brain. he helped me, and for that i am thankful.
and i do know for now…quarter life crisis: adverted.